friends

booking on a tuesday night that's technically wednesday morning has its own merits. every girl out there has got to be an insane party girl right? i mean it's 4am on a tuesday night and you're at a booking club.

i arrived around 4am to find my PUA friend sitting at a table full of beers and a bottle of chivas. drink up drink up he said, pouring me a poktanju. i obliged as he pointed out his friends on the dance floor, a dorky hip hop guy and three girls, two cute, one gargantuan.

we got booked almost immediately, a true test of my newfound gaming skillz while sober. to be honest, alcohol helps immensely. but i forced myself to engage the enemy. the girls were completely unspectacular, which makes for easier booking. light conversation, some rapid gesturing, making the girls drink, and then realizing that i'm not in the mood to hang out with plain boring girls who don't drink. even if they're 1s. binary can be unsatisfying sometimes.

the PUA friend's girls came back and provided a welcome bit of conversation and fun. a vivid pink girl yelled a lot, poured drinks for everyone at the table, and commanded everyone to drink it down. a true party girl in party mode.

the PUA and i continued to book various girls, the second pair stayed for quite a bit, a reluctant girl, this time more attractive, slowly warmed to me as i was able to pick out attributes in her family's relationship. i think she was impressed with my mind reading skillz but really, her situation was just a perfect parallel of mine. i ended up getting her number as the PUA started to make out and then have sex with his girl in the booth with the curtains drawn. i, of course, slipped away before that began.

the rest of the night was shots and shots of poktanju, dancing with a girl whom i swear couldn't have been more than 4 ft 8? telling a girl with attitude to fuck off basically, having that girl dance up on me and say, "no no, you don't mean that," and then realizing that girls at booking clubs on tuesday night at 5am are exponentially worse than same girls at 4am. everyone looked fine on the dance floor, really bad skin up close in the light.

i realized in the end, that the vivid pink girl was the hottest girl there, and so i kissed her. she made vague protests that she couldn't slip away, then mentioned she was hungry. i told her i could cook her something and she asked me what. mostly pasta. "i like carbonara" she said. i smiled knowing i had a slam dunk.

we rushed out of the club, hailed a cab (all cabs in the morning outside booking clubs try and gouge you for 20,000-30,000 won claiming they're "call taxis." bullshit, they're just trying to get you because they think you're drunk. be wary), alternately made out and slept all the way to hongdae, and then sexed and ate carbonara.

before i fell asleep, i sent out texts to my radio producer and various jobs that i was cancelling all activities that happened before 2pm. the life of a freelancer can be handy.

in the afternoon, we woke up, sexed some more, and somehow vivid pink girl lost her vivid pink panties. i dunno what it is about my apartment, it just eats up girls' undergarments and earrings. i could dress my mannequin from head to toe with the stuff they leave behind. but now that i have two orphan panties, i kinda wanna collect more. how much fun would that be to have a girl discover your secret stash of undies girls left behind? not much, i imagine.

we ended up hanging out all the way through the dark knight. which was goddamn fucking awesome. it hurt me to watch it and i sat in the theatre til the last credit rolled off and the lights came on. and i cursed heath ledger for dying so young.

also, the good the bad and the weird was insanely great as well. so many good movies to see. i should make one.

oh my god, i'm a sucker for punishment.

a friend just called and invited me to go to a booking club. "lotta girls, lotta booze. all paid for. come on come on." fuck.

sigh. i'm so fucking weak.

small attempts at trying to help mutual friends sometimes go nowhere. i tried to introduce string theory girl to an animator friend, i figured they could talk shop, and who knows what else. i'd just imagine i'd like to be introduced to people in the same interest field if i could. but an early bit of talk went dry when her bump on a log boyfriend showed up. the guy just showed up and killed all conversation, killed all attempts at conversation, and just took up space. i understand people are shy and all, but man it was like trying to dance with a corpse.

then i went to go talk counterstrike with this guy i'm supposed to be co-announcing with this weekend, but he was just trying to game on a girl and was being indecisive. waste of fucking time, but i could sympathize, been there.

sigh.

in the end, i came home trying to figure out just what the fuck i'd gotten done today, other than make some appointments. the leopard print girl kept teasing she might come over before eventually choosing sleep. and i shall have to do the same soon enough.

make my film, get in shape, learn something new.

v2.0's final message to me before leaving korea: stop chasing tail and start making ur movie, ass

If you're wondering why I don't blog that much these days, it's cos I'm using Twitter more now, for friends-only though. If you have an account, add me!

dreamt i was in a house in austin that the acute angled girl had just moved into. but it had formerly been inhabited by japanese people who felt the rooms were too roomy. so they'd built a kitchen into the tiny laundry room and had been using the kitchen for something else. the mini kitchen was squat height and had a tiny fridge a tiny stove and a tiny sink. there was a little wooden stool to operate everything from.

after acute angled girl moved in tho she complained and had them redo everything in the real kitchen. so this place now had two kitchens for one girl. and several messy rooms, i wonder who really still lived there.

later, i came across a video game system which was like a wii 360. we were trying to play counterstrike but the controls were all wrong, plus the game was about two guys in huge spacesuits running around with flamethrowers. eventually the whole dream just devolved into me running around with two samurai swords killing people. including eminem. i cut his balls off.

there were more artsy lonely parts to the dream, but those are always the same.

the weekend was in many ways better than most, and not so better than others. spent time with quality friends with histories that are leaving. the doppelganger on wednesday, and v2.0 tomorrow. it's hard to be sad about any of this when people leave and come back so frequently you lose all track of geographic separation. and then there are those who live nearby but have left your world for all intents and purposes. who's there to miss in the end?

it seems people are missed though, as acute angled girl and i indulged in a long saturday of surrogate dating. with her boyfriend far away and mine nonexistent, we went for an hour and a half thai massage (not that expensive but really, they just stretch you for an hour and a half in the dark, what gives?), then i went and watched her get a pedicure, picking out the right colors, and then we met up with nwf and his wife for beef bacon. that's without a doubt the highlight of my weekend. beef samgyeopsal is like they mixed a cow and a pig together to make SuperMeat. anyone who next comes to visit korea can indulge with me.

saturday night devolved into poker, beers, wii, and youtube before the exfratboy (my texas hubae who works at the station with me) and i drove to apgujeong in search of the mythical saturday night hookup. but nothing happened, and we instead ate microwave pizza with jesus freaks in some apartment in hyochang park. story is too dull to tell.

i am getting more and more reports in about my behavior on thursday, and though it's mostly innocent, i'm appalled that everyone was gushing about how many women i had draped over me because i don't remember a single fucking one. what's the point? i might as well have fucked hyori in the women's bathroom if i'm gonna do things i have no recollection of. i'm seriously questioning why it is i got so hammered when i'm out. if it's the same things that incessantly obsess me about sex. the idea of the perfect moment of erasing all consciousness of your existence. through sleep, antisobriety, or sexual escape. sad is what it is.

i make my excuses for thursday night because there were extenuating circumstances that drove me to hit the bottle with such fury, but i'd rather not have to recreate events in my own life as if they were crime scenes. "ah yes, a fingerprint on her left boob, lift it, ndb's been here."

tho i did find out who i made out with on the dance floor, it was some girl in a leopard print top, who then went on to accuse me of molesting her, backtracked, and has since given me her number via messenger saying we should get a drink together. friend of a friend.

sunday, i went and saw the good, the bad, and the weird with the darlene girl. oh my fucking god i love kim jee woon. i only wish i could ever ever ever make a movie as fifth as damned entertaining and stylish, just oozing with genre conventions while turning them on their head at the same time. i almost spooged my pants and the pants of everyone in a five meter radius. plus we somehow ended up with seats smack dab in the center of the theater even tho we got there just a half hour before showtime. trying to watch a movie on a sunday in korea without a reservation is like showing up in momofuku ko unannounced and expecting to be seated. oh look at me dropping the new york hotspots i've never been to.

afterwards, the darlene girl and i had yakisoba near my house and then settled into my couch to watch my one successful natl geo doc rough cut. the hand holding is now accepted, and she takes my arm when we walk in the rain under the same umbrella. these things are good. baby steps.

i am trying to delete unnecessary girl distractions from my life but they stack up amazingly fast. and yet film progress goes backwards. the angry model girl is unresponsive to my attempts to contact her about acting in my film. i do not want to sleep with you angry model girl. i mean i do, but not as badly as i want to make my film. give me your email address and read my script and THEN judge me to be a creep you don't wanna be associated with. sigh.

today, the sarger and i ran a hard 13K and as we cooled down, he mused, "imagine what we could do if we could just stop thinking about sex."

man.

dreamt there was a murder of a 9 year old girl in a poor black neighborhood resembling east austin. the cops on the case were all racist assholes and were harassing everyone that moved. one cop kept saying "it gives us a fighting chance if you scratch the surface. if you bite, if you scratch, you have to cut the assailant."

there were several older people and families gathered behind the house where the body was found, and the cops had arrested a really tall really big guy. i questioned him, "have you ever been arrested for a criminal offense before?" because it seemed he hadn't. then across the street, i saw what looked like a centaur, a man with an extra large ass and four legs. and i knew he was the culprit.

in other parts of the dream, i was moving out of my parent's house and there were stacks and stacks of things. i was issued a greenish glowing tablet computer that connected to wifi to play an elaborate game based on GPS that issued you points for reaching certain hidden areas around the house that would glow green in sympathy. there were large lower case "e's" that would appear when you hit those spots. i was collecting points and "recharging" in various areas when i realized someone took my tablet. i ended up in last place.

i did a charcoal drawing that to me seemed amazingly intricate and beautiful. like a tree with flowering eyes that symbolized something that i can no longer comprehend. i asked if they had any fixer, but that i wasn't done. the woman who was watching turned out to be the kofic lady from the film fest, and said to me, "you can fix it, but then you can't finish it." so i rolled it up and tried to put a rubber band behind it. but as i rolled, from behind the paper came out all of the art i had ever done in my life. nude drawings from paris, rodeo art from texas elementary schools, various self portraits i'd done in high school. they just kept popping out from the rolling paper until eventually an entire cardboard box popped up and everyone looked through the art to judge me a mediocre artist.

the order of these dreams seems wrong.

i woke up today with just barely enough time to go on my date with darlene girl. the sarger called to lecture me about remembering my goals, "hey, remember what you said to me man. i like girls too, but you gotta stay focused. i can't do this alone."

fuck. he's right.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/2008/07/sunday-secrets_12.html

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people
mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.











-----Email Message-----
Sent: Sunday, July 20, 2008 4:41 AM
Subject: ABBA

Are you kidding me? I was blasting ABBA while browsing PostSecret just now. (I'm a guy.)!

~Honey I'm still free, Take a chance on me....~














-----Email Message-----
Sent: Tuesday, July 22, 2008 5:52 PM

I live in a body like that and I won't give you any nonsense about how "looks don't matter", but it's truly heartbreaking to think of whatever you're going through. I sincerely hope it gets better, and please know that as a result of your secret, I will never take my body for granted.












-----Email Message-----
Sent: Tuesday, July 22, 2008 3:20 PM

When I was in 8th grade I informed my teacher that I took lithium and for the rest of the year he called me Atomic Number 3.







-----Email Message-----
Subject: Hope

A few months ago I saw a postcard saying "If you're waiting for a sign, this is it. Do it. It will be amazing."

Well I did it...and while I am the most vulnerable I've ever been in my life, I'm also the happiest.

For anyone else: This is your sign.










-----Email Message----
Sent: Sunday, July 20, 2008 1:53 AM
Subject: Once I Lea

I thought it was; "Once I leave I'll love myself and I promise to show you new things"

Guess i was just hoping for my own secret..




-----Email Message-----
Sent: Sunday, July 20, 2008 2:36 PM
Subject: Re: But Im Not Pretty

your beauty shines through...

even in a postcard.

Subscribe now to receive the PostSecret Event tour schedule,
and see more secrets.

Enter Your Email

My favourite store in the whole world, Secret Headquarters, happens to be about 200 steps away from our apartment and was recently profiled on Boing Boing. How great is it that Dave points out Jodorowsky? I think at one point I emptied out their complete stock of his titles in the matter of a couple weeks, as I went thru an addictive phase of Humanoids Publishing series.

I just wrapped up Ed Brubaker's Sleeper, an addictive noir spy + superhero tale with fantastic art by Sean Phillips, a creative duo I was introduced by Dave at SH (from their work on the Daredevil series. That being said, we're not attending Comic Con this year. Got on it too late and most of my friends don't seem to be heading down to SD again this year. We'll be back next year though.

me: you ever sleep with sisters?

v2.0: you mean like black people?

i admit i have gustav klimt's "le baiser" on the wall near my bed. but in my defense, it's a framed puzzle. i found it in the trash and it just screamed kitsch and i do love kitsch.

anyway, i remember the S&M bartender was staring at it and suddenly pointed out to me that the girl in the painting has no ass whatsoever. she's right:



she also said that klimt's depiction of men are vague and nonexistent. they only act as tools to emphasize the women. sounds like the right approach to me.

i went home after thursday night and added the model girl i met on facebook. then i realized holy fucking shit she's hott:


so the question is: why did i not hit on her? and instead goad her into a heated argument about japan and comfort women? and make fun of her and antagonize her in a non flirtatious manner?

granted, she was an easy target, spouting off angrily about this and that uninformed-like.

though v2.0 pointed out to me that models always end up hotter in pictures than in real life and ah yes, i remember now, i was hitting on her friend instead who kept saying "don't touch me i have a boyfriend."

in any case.

my friday felt odd and distant. i dunno if it's the hangover or what, but the mental distance between the Fun I Am Having and the quiet reality of how i feel about the general state of existence is a large gaping chasm. and chasms are by definition empty i should point out. oh the ennui.



i am posting this picture of my other shirt for no reason other than because i had forgotten i had taken it.

so then. i had dinner with the doppelganger and his fiancee, we have a long history of us dining together now. eating eating eating, what was it? hmm, octopus leg ceviche with white wine jelly with oregano flowers, beef carpaccio with rucola, 도미, sea eel, linguine pesto, grapefruit sorbet, champagne and a mamre brook shiraz. that's a damn good wine by the way.

i think the best part of the meal was a caramel mousse with little salt crystals at the bottom. crunchy perfect.

i forget the rest. my point is that we always eat together, the three of us, the running theme being that they dote on me and my forever singleness. i am symbolic of something. the always empty chair next to me is symbolic of something. mostly, i realize that some meals are just too good and i just don't want to share them with people who aren't worth it. it'd be nice if there was someone who was.

eventually, we came back to my place and drank more with v2.0. wii was had, booze was drunk, trash talk was spouted. and then a news reporter from the station that i've known for a few years came by, got drunk and made out with me. she's virginal, so there's not much worth pursuing there, but she does have this amazingly curvy body that i would like to trace with my tongue if she'd just let me. as it was, we made out, i grabbed her boobs, stuffed a nipple in my mouth, and was told, "oooh, don't force it." be romantical and all. then she got mad and made me walk her to a cab because she said i said "finish me off" to her. i most certainly did not. i mean, what was there to finish? there was no penis in hand worth two in the bush (that has a lot of meaning now that i think about it). it was just a kiss mouth tongue situation.

the sun was up when she left, and a group of girls were chatting in english as i put her in a cab. i turned around, noted that they were hott but barely 15? what were they doing out. i said to them, "wow, are you guys like 15?" and they shot me the look of death. i shrugged and walked home.

it is raining outside.

i shall include this final picture. he's a guy named antonio, who helped us shoot our film in mozambique. a really nice guy who spoke excellent english. and he looked just like tupac:



sadly, i heard he died of aids just last year. he was in his early 20s i think? fucking sad.

dreamt that some girl with a really terrible attitude was doing me. completely uninterested, she begrudgingly came up to my apartment and begrudgingly "allowed" me to have sex with her. soon it was just a very disinterested handjob while i was reading a book with a red cover. i think it was a history book.

even in my dreams, girls can just barely stand me.

The Dark Knight puts apologists to shame, proving you don't have to accept the same rehashes of the last 20 years or compromise to create an entertaining summer blockbuster. I've always hated how people often make excuses for big budget films just because they're pop-centric and aim to entertain. Comparing The Dark Knight to another summer blockbuster action flick like Wanted is akin to setting your eyes on a work by Titian after enduring the pop pap of Thomas Kincade (sorry, Wanted was a "C" at best).

Nolan's vision of the Batman is as dark and thought-provoking as the Coen's No Country For Old Men, and arguably more entertaining thanks to its escapist setting. The beauty of The Dark Knight is the film at its core is really a psychological and ethical tug-of-war between two extremes that we all embody. Like all my favourite action films, this films best moments happen when you yourself are dissecting the situations, rather than just sitting through mindless action (though there are plenty of intense action abound).

Nothing is diluted, there aren't any cheezy rock songs or soundtrack intrusions, wasted moments of romance for the sake of romance, the sets and costumes are top notch, the cast and crew bring their "A" game throughout, and a big THANK YOU for the use of a palette that didn't scream "hey, I'm a big blockbuster movie". Not a perfect film, but damn near perfect for what comes down to a film about a clown faced insane criminal (Ledger lives up to the hype) and a man wearing a Halloween costume (I still think he looks pretty dorky when running). The film is filled with baroque plot twists, but never feel contrived, each falling into place with an ease fashioned from thoughtful precision than brute force. Audiences never feel perplexed, but often feel trapped with the same horror many of the characters feel throughout the film, thanks to Ledger's disturbing performance of humanity's worst side. Perhaps not as wondrous and imaginative of a film as the newest Hellboy (which sadly fell into the sorrowful pop pitfalls mentioned above), but tied with WALL-E for favourite blockbuster film of 2008.

Question 14:
A project's effectiveness is measured in terms of

A. its economic relevance and economic profitability
B. the project's purpose as compared with the overall objective
C. the results achieved as compared with the project's purpose
D. the resources used as compared with the means available

I guessed C. What do you think is the right answer? I couldn't find the EU definition or EU description on project effectiveness.

Woke up at 8:30 after sleeping seven hours. After snoozing for another half hour, I jumped into the shower, had some yogurt and muesli, got dressed, left a note for the boyfriend saying I already left and didn't want to wake him and took the train to Amsterdam. I went through the '250 MCQ on Europe and European policies, 2008-2009' book again. Felt bad about myself because it was only the second time I was going through the book, whilst I should have studied more for the EPSO RELEX 2008 test. Three days ago, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to sit for this exam in the first place. I hope the last minute cramming helped, at least it used to help when I was doing my IB and all my university exams.

Reached home around noon, quickly dropped off my stuff and went to the test center, which was held at the NH Grand Hotel Krasnapolsky, probably one of the most expensive hotels in Amsterdam. Erik cynically said that he couldn't believe the European Commission would rent out the Grand Ballroom of this expensive hotel whilst they couldn't even provide for the test instruction sheets, instead asking the candidates to print it themselves. I guessed it's due to environmental reasons. And when I saw that only half of the people confirmed to attend the test showed up, I thought this was exactly the reason why the Commission asked us to print the instructions.

Three of my ex-colleagues were there to take the test as well. Caught up with them before, in between, and after the test. Two of them were trying for the Political Matters Adviser position, whilst the third colleague and I were in competition for the Operations Adviser - Good Governance and Security position. Because there were more positions available for good governance, I chose to sit the exam for that (around 60 posts for good governance, only 15 for political matters), although political matters sounds more interesting and probably matches my work experience and studies better.

The tests were gruelling. The EU test was alright, did answer most of them correctly, I think. I wasn't too sure on question 18, so I guessed answer C:
"Once the Lisbon Treaty enters into force, which of these statements will be true?"
A. The use of co-decision procedure and qualified majority voting and the role of national parliaments will increase
B. The use of co-decision procedure will decrease; the role of national parliaments and the use of qualified majority voting will increase
C. The use of co-decision procedure and the role of national parliaments will increase; the use of qualified majority voting will decrease
D. The use of co-decision procedure and qualified majority voting and the role of national parliaments will remain the same

For someone with interest in the EU enlargement, I found it very embarrassing that I wasn't too sure on the question when the EU enlarged to include 10 new member states (thankfully I did tick the right answer in the end, 2004 and not 2005).

Time went by so fast on the verbal and numerical test. Kept saying to myself that I had to hurry up, because 50 minutes for 20 verbal questions and 10 numerical is not that much. At home, I did more than ok on the numerical part, 80% right. I'll be lucky if I passed this part of the test with 60%.

I didn't prepare for the specific competency test. I didn't know what to read or go through for this test. In the end, I found out I should have read upon things like the EU's development policies, its programmes with partner countries, the Cotonou Agreement, the Ouagadougou Action Plan and learn the MDGs by heart. Was not too sure on which part of the world had the highest percentage of people living on less than one dollar per day in 2001. Is that Latin America, North Africa and the Middle East, Sub-Saharan Africa, or South-East Asia? My instincts told me it was Sub-Saharan Africa. What do you think? I'm hoping I just about got 55% correct on this part of the test, which is the minimum requirement to go to the next round.

After the test, I went for drinks and dinner with my ex-colleagues, discussed the test, talked about our careers, what we wanted from our next job, gossiped about the people we've worked with (two female colleagues screaming at each other in the corridor, calling each other bitches and whatnot whilst the male colleagues ran away from the scene...) whether we would be prepared to go to Chad, Bangladesh or Benin if we were to be successful at this EPSO competition.

Enough talk about the test. I'm looking forward to a good eight hours of sleep.

The best start of a music video for several long legged reasons. And how fuckin' sleazy suave is Ferry here? The smile at the end...

From a couple weekends ago. We're spending a great many days at the beach this year. It's been a wonderful summer thus far.

On an unrelated note, I've kept my streak alive while playing Scrabulous against sewdarncute, using only blush inducing vocab. I've passed up on some big scoring combos, but it's all been worth it when my word list includes: wanker, sweat, rear, anus, poon, rim, head, sweaty, and ass. I may not be the best Scrabble player, but I'm proficiently filthy, so that should count for something. I'm still trying to score with "felch", but haven't had the opportunity...yet.

yesterday was a couch night. which means somehow i got home, somehow i got out of my clothes, and yet somehow, i couldn't make it to the bed.

thanks to acute angled girl and v2.0 for coming out in support. thanks as well to various friends for coming out and doing the friends of redgirl, who were quite doable. i'm quite confused as to why i did not hit on redgirl myself, other than the models who appeared later on and i made fun of them spoke french at them, and dubbed one "don't fucking touch me i have a boyfriend girl," or the girl i made out with on the dance floor (who was she? and why did i not hit on her more?), or the girl i used to game on that i bumped into, asked who she was, promptly forgot, and got a text message that said "you forgot me!"

trying to piece together last night from phone calls and text messages don't help either. all i have is the sarger saying "i bucked the hell out of redgirl's friend, what about you?" man, that guy has laser focus, i just focus on getting fucked up. which i guess i succeeded at.

i don't think i got any numbers last night, or even tried to. i told one of the models she was wrong about something, made a bet with her, and said she owed me $10 and to call me in the morning so i could be remitted. even in my most drunken state, i feel the need to be right about everything.

not sure what it is i regret about last night. but i regret something.